Saturday, August 25, 2007

Lesson 1: Aao, tamasha dekhen

(come let's watch the show/fun)
It happens only in India

“Kuch karna zaroori hai kya? Why cannot you be content to see what is happening around you? And anyway, what have you done so far that you think you can make a difference?” said one. “One person’s will or wanting it does not really matter when we are 6 billion of us clubbed together sharing the same resources,” said another. And that’s what it boils down to: Those who care, those who don’t and those who pretend they don’t give a damn. We’ve just reached the 60-years-of-Indepedence landmark; and yet some things really make me wonder if that figure means anything at all. Both good and bad things. We cannot answer if one person can make a difference. You see, because usually, for one person to make ANY difference, he/she needs MORE PEOPLE behind them. This is one start, hoping more would join.

In the time of superheroes, this country needs a Hero.

We are not it. We are the anti-heroes. Show allegiance, join in, we need more people to write here. Whenever you want to, or talk and share stories. A course in writing or workshop is not needed, just a will and a want are. Don't send friend requests. We don't care for friends. But we care for ideas. It is our country, and yours; and we are not bothered about those who don't care. Yet.


I will not let my auto-driver get on to the pavement today, or zigzag through traffic. That would be my contribution today. Yours?

The real reason behind road accidents in India are not malfunctioning traffic lights (when it rains and when it doesn’t), lack of road sense or general apathy to rules. It is Morons.

Like the morons who ride bikes and think that unless they stand two inches in front of the stop line, their peepees (PP, pyari penis) will shrink. To reach the beginning-of-the-line, they will zigzag through an already-constricted traffic, causing further confusion and much honking. THEN, in their excitement of having reached ahead, they will promptly twist the front tyre, lose control and fall, JUST as the light turns green. So that others either run him over or brake suddenly. Result: An accident.

Or, those morons, who immediately brake, right in the middle of oncoming traffic: To WATCH an altercation or fight happening on the side of the road. And they’re usually looking at the other side of the road. Or at girls standing at bus stops, or inside autorickshaws or are walking on the pavement. All this while, their bike’s noses will be right in your car’s backside, so that if you break, either the moron goes flying on to your bumper or lands on the road. Result: An accident.

And of course, those morons who think pavements are to pave their path for reaching ahead of others. If in India, NEVER walk on pavements: You are most likely to get killed there. (Thinks of certain film stars and big industrialist son’s practicing their obstacle driving skills on pavements…)

Or the coupled morons with her happily massaging his back and him craning his neck backwards to listen to her or blissful in the massage. To prolong their mutual pleasure, the coupled morons usually ride at 20 kph in the middle of heavy traffic, the other fast movers circling them, creating a sort of mid-traffic love island, honking like crazy, sending dirty looks… while our coupled morons ride on unaffected… Till someone either bumps into them or vice-versa. Result: An accident.

The bigger the crowd around an accident sight, the more likely it is to watch either a death scene or a fist-fight. It is REALLY funny, how Indians stop on their way – presumably to work or other important destinations – to watch an Accident Scenario. We have all the time in the world. No wonder productivity sucks.

But we hardly help. Because we like a good show, but don’t want to be part of it ourselves. Because we wonder what’s in it for us. Or how it would inconvenience us. Or perhaps, MOST of the time, we just don’t care. Tamasha hai, let’s watch. Yes, there are those who help etc; just don’t go expecting it. you don’t get miracles and change of character on a daily basis.


Anonymous said...

Okay let’s do a SWOT (Strength Weakness Opportunities Threats)

Cause and Effect ------------- “you are the problem you are solution” or “I am the problem I am solution” - Joint Family

Identify the problem
Work out the major factors involved
Identify possible causes

1. GDP RISING - Weakness …………….Standard of living high---- Everyday fun day not only Sunday

2. INFRASTRUCURE (Chain of flyovers => Collaboration foreign investment AID to good infrastructure. Nice work at a faster rate than ever)

Threat ………..Road blocks diversions Inadequate parking space

3. CAR LOAN AVAILABLE – EMI as low as Rs.2500 Strength ----------- I CAN ALSO AFFORD (friends don’t mind)

4. FASTER PROCESSING OF DRIVING LICENCE - …….S---------- I got My DL without a driving test pay some to some more


6. LACK OF PUBLIC CONVENIENCE – Weakness…………….. Oooooucchh stomach hurts I have to Go sooner or later peee peeee wrrooommm

7. New Imported cars Cost between 10 lakhs – many more lakhs - at 30kms / hour ---- Strength …………….Driver Araam se Chalaoo (Driver drive carefully)

The above points have to be identified and placed under some category.

Are they Strengths Weakness Opportunity or Threat

Kindly comment while Identifying

J. Bites. J Bo. said...


hmmmmmm....itching to respond...but will instead start takin one point at a time over the course of this blog...and over the course of "US"...if WE ever become an us... thanks... for writing in. And please, KEEP writing in. And pick a name for yourself....even a false one will do. :) Say, Shitizen One. :P

Anonymous said...

Please do elucidate each Point as it will cover many other aspects we need to look into in order to become CITIZENs .Weakness for A can be an Oppurtunity for B so....... FIRST SHITIZEN OF INDIA

aanchal said...

Despite these being the same factors which harrow me when i am at home, they are also the exact same things which make me miss india..its a contradiction for sure, but ive often caught myself missing the 'lawlessness' of india. i love coming home n crossing the road without waiting for some sign to tel me to do so or throwing my stub on the ground without fearing a fine. Am not promoting the typical 'shitizen' behaviour at all, i get dam harrowed about it as well but just realised this slight contradiction. Often wondered if these 'foreign systems' would ever be effective if placed in india and am still wondering..

Ashish said...

Once i was walking on a footpath in bangalore.. One guy in a bike is driving on the footpath and is honking at me to give him side... i was like dont know what to do... Then i went to him and asked him to drive on the road or keep following me but without honking...